People who have known me for a while will testify to the fact that I have long term contentment issues. Even worse is that some people who have known me for a while wouldn’t. I’m very good at hiding them. I’m a master at turning my discontentment into someone elses sin or negligence (in my mind anyway). While im less prone to do that in current times the feeling of loosing out or longing for more than I have is still there, despite God’s abundant provision.
While we were away we visited someone I’ve known for a really long time. She has trained in science at university, she has a great whit and a quick mind. She is a fountain of knowledge, both biblically and worldly. She is a mother of two children and a Godly wife. She also has MS. Over the last two years MS has taken over most of her body, she can no longer walk, feed herself or talk clearly. She needs help moving and needs constant rest. She finds it hard to control her emotions and muscles and is loosing parts of her memory. By worldly standards, in her early 40’s, she has lost much of her identity. In spite of this, every time we see each other I am amazed at her Joy in Christ. She is always surrounded by books and feeding on Gods word. She is quick to praise her King in conversation and lean on him in her every day need. Above all her contentment is delightful, she is the last to complain or act as though she has not been given her fair share of blessings. The less there is of her to offer the more room there is for God to show his glory and provision.
In all of my discontentment, what is it that I actually want?
I want the faith and joy of my friend. I want to be faithful to the word and to the people I love (and don’t) in prayer. I want to be able to offer myself as a living sacrifice (Romans 12) and live zealously in the body (Ephesians 4).
I have every reason to be content. God has been kind and merciful in giving me his spirit. May there be little of me and more of Christ, may I long for his bigness, rather than mine.